Getting Here From There
Photo Credit: LeadingAgile
“Although you likely view your illness as an enemy, you should let it become your ally.” Making it an
ally by doing the hard internal work of sorting through the emotional and psychological components
of your illness will…result in lasting recovery.” ~ Dr. Jacob Teitelbaum, MD
November 8th 2016 was a day that I will not soon forget and a date which might ultimately go down as one that “…will live in infamy.” It was Election Day in the United States. To the surprise of many, and the disgust of more than a few, Donald J. Trump was elected to be the 45th President of the country. Nuff said.
I did not make it to the polls that day. Nor did I get to celebrate the 13th anniversary of The Harmonic Concordance of November 8, 2003, a moment in time that was observed by many millions of people Worldwide. Instead, I was admitted to the Desert Regional Medical Center in Palm Springs late that afternoon. It was the start of a 15-day stay during which I had four surgical procedures. So yes, it was more than a memorable day for me.
Reeling back time for a moment, and at the risk of giving you TMI, in the weeks preceding November 8th, I had been seriously constipated. That problem stemmed from a blockage in my sigmoid colon that had all but shut down my excretory system. During the first five days of my hospitalization, doctors tried to shrink the blockage with medications and by literally sucking the shit out of my stomach. Realizing that those procedures weren’t going to get the desired result, they decided to remove the blockage via surgery.
It was a 10 hour deal all told and, because my arteries had become so thickly coated with plaque that, according to my heart surgeon who was on hand for the surgeries, it would be problematic for me to make it through the two surgeries that then lay ahead. But then that Body-Mind-Spirit thing kicked in.
Now, having been a long time student of Consciousness and its Spiritual connections, I have experienced, on more than one occasion, the definitive link between Mind and Body and Spirit. I have been thinking about and working those connections during my nearly three month Monday mornings hiatus.
I do sincerely believe, and am most grateful for, the hundreds of prayers for healing and Spiritual energy that were offered for me via calls, cards and facebook comments. The Angles of Healing listened and saw to it that I was protected during that 10 hour procedure, and beyond. To the amazement of my cardiologist, I sailed through the procedures without even one heart hitch, before he would be able to insert stents in my heart’s arteries. But it would be another 10 days before I was released from hospital. During that time I subsisted on ice chips, then jello and finally on “lite” solids and in the end, had lost 22 pounds. But I looked like death warmed over.
I was weak. Walking 100 yards was the most I could manage at first. I found it difficult to answer e-mails, keep a conversation going or even to open my computer at all. Things like bending down were beyond me and spells of dizziness were common. And I was adrift, even feeling that the connection to my Spiritual Self had become untethered. But I knew that, committed to this Blog as I had been, I needed to do something to get back into the game.
Before the hospitalization I had decided to try to expand the Blog’s reach by adding a weekly podcast and a weekly notation of what I would call, “Spirit on The Web.” However, when finally at home, initially I mostly lay abed, slept often and learned the intricacies of my colostomy bag. Not fun, I can assure you. But my plans for the new additions would have to be put on hold, for the time being.
Consequently, I took something that I had “on the shelf,” spiffied it up a bit and began posting my Nine Directions. It was what I considered a small step on my road back. In the meantime, I began to explore the mental, physical and most, importantly, the Spiritual connections to the sigmoid colon.
I found Vicki Howie’s Introduction to the Chakras information very helpful in this regard. There I learned that the sigmoid colon is associated with the Second or Sacral Chakra, which is associated with sexuality, creativity, reproduction, adaptability, and emotional release. That last one would be one of the keys to unlocking the root cause(s) of my condition.
Another site, Spirit Voyage, told me that, from an emotional viewpoint, the colon has to do with having trouble letting go. Additionally, the colon, especially in regards to the sigmoid colon, has to with secrets that we bury from ourselves. It is like hiding something in the deepest darkest corner in the body so that we can’t even find it. The question of what must be kept and what must be thrown away persists. Ah, another key.
I also found that Louise Hay thought the colon “…represents our ability to let go, to release that which we no longer need…It is only our fears that block the releasing of the old.” A ha!
But what had I to release? So much for the Body/Mind connection. I was now onto the Spiritual connections where I thought I might better find the answer to that question. If I were to return to some semblance of my former state, I was convinced that I would have to find that connection as well.
My first stop on my way back to Spirit was my MAP Team, the Co-creative White Brotherhood Medical Assist Program. In a “coning” session, I called in Pan, the overlord of the Nature Spirits, the Devic entities, St. Germain, the energy of transmutation, Hilarion, who represents the Green Ray of Healing and Mirehiel, the Ascended Master of Johnny Mirehiel.
It was most certainly a healing session during which my spine felt like it was being realigned. Importantly, I was also given instructions on how to create new muscle memory so that my gait, posture and balance might all improve. It became my new way to walk. Now I walk daily, in the Big Morongo Nature Preserve across the street from our wee High Desert Cottage, head up, chest forward, shoulders back and knees high, reminding myself with each pace that I’m retraining my muscle memory to the way the new me walks.
Next up was a Ceremonial visit to my Nine Directions. In doing so, at each “compass point” I reaffirmed the True Self that I AM. That Self is always complete and healthy. Therefore, so am I. I called upon It to actualize my realigned physical presence in this 3-D experience.
And I listened to Wind Sister. Sitting out in the Preserve, I was several times instructed – by that “still, small Voice” within – as to the details of what needed to be done for the Concordance Blog to continue to serve you, its audience, in the intended manner. There were instructions on getting back to the Blog’s work, but mostly I was told to just listen and breathe into The Silence. I would be led to what to do next.
About this time, my dreams began to get pretty active. I would wake and know that something pretty intense had happened while I slept…but for the life of me I couldn’t recall a lick of them, except that my father was a presence in them. I just knew that something was percolating down there, but nothing specifically that I could bring back. Strange, as this agitated dream state lasted for four or five days with nothing concrete to show for it except my knowing that it there was work being done. I was still hunting for the Spiritual link to the Mind/Body/Spirit Being that I Am.
Then I picked up an e-mail from the site Binaural Brains that invited me to sample some of their binaural “beats.” I hadn’t previously been to the site nor had I signed up for its mailings but I clicked onto it anyway. The page opened onto an array of Binaurals, but the one that caught my attention was pegged to “Automatic Writing.” Cool. It only cost a buck and so I downloaded it and began listing to it in my ear buds. A few days of this and then I actually tried a session of automatic writing, with that binaural playing in my ears. For me, there always had been the sense of never really feeling good about myself. So in that automatic writing session, I asked the question, “What is it that so troubles me about me?”
What came was not, strictly speaking, automatic writing. Instead I was shown, as from above it, a scene from my childhood. Without going into too much detail, it was there and then that my innocent, vulnerable child became saturated with a deeply repressed shame, bad child/person-ness and multiple issues of self worth, or rather the lack of same. They came barging into my awareness and I saw it happen. I had never before been aware of anything like what I saw in that scene happening.
It took place in the darkened bedroom that I, and later my baby sister, shared with my parents in our small, one bedroom apartment in the Bronx. The scene was news to me, especially in its graphic depiction of my father’s behaviors in it. Still that vision reflected those same feelings that have dogged me for so many years. But now I knew where they began, and I knew that scene, buried so deeply inside me, needed to be released. Taking that burden from my shoulders and walking my new upright walk is literally a walk in the park. The emotional and mental constipation that had precipitated my blocked sigmoid colon could now begin to be fully released.
So that’s how I spent my hiatus. Working on the inner me, Child and Adult alike. Am I fully back? No, not really. Memory is more of a fleeting thing nowadays. But again, Wind Sister reminds me that those lapsed memories are not important. Nor is remembering ideas that I have at the tip of my tongue which vanish as quickly as they come. Memories of the past only serve to take my attention away from being in the Now. And in this Now, I am healed, unburdened by my repressed shame, self doubt and fears of inadequacies. Now, I give thanks for my healing, smile a lot, and walk “new.”
“Hurry up please, it’s time.” ~ The Wasteland T. S. Elliot
PS I have added a podcast feature to the Blog as I had planned. Please look for them each Wednesday evening at 6:00 PM, PST. Also new on the Blog is the “Spirit on The Web,” feature which will be updated every Friday at noon, PST.