Medicine Ways IV

Fussy Moments

Valerie Eagle Heart

I’ve just returned from a Clan Grandmother Gathering in Northern California.  Because of commitments and schedules I had not been able to attend for the past 3 years, so I was beyond excited to be able to participate this year.  The trip was a gift to myself for much needed healing of Heart, Mind & Spirit.  The drive to and from was very long, but carpooling gave one-on-one time with another Sister.  It was a beautiful Ceremonial Gathering honoring and blessing ourselves in a location of the tallest Trees and the constant sound of Water in two creeks that joined as one.

The 3 days and nights were filled with constant reminders of how little time I allow myself to rejuvenate and fill my personal well.  The loving energy of our Ceremonial Guide filled my Heart over & over.  What beauty there was in stepping back from the leadership role and allowing myself to be just another one of the Women present in the Clan Mother Circle.  I was reminded over & over again how much we give away and how important it is to nourish ourselves.

The Grandmothers nurtured, cradled and rocked me like a small child.  They took me to the deepest levels of ‘being’.  Just BE, they said!  There is nothing except this present moment, this Now.  There is nothing here except what is here….in this moment!  Everything can wait while you feed yourself.

In the midst of all the insight, ah-ha’s and beauty, I experienced for no apparent reason, nothing I could name….a few BIG unsettling and very “fussy moments.”

Anger that came from where?  Issues and situations that were not OK, but somehow I’ve glossed over and not addressed?  There wasn’t anything that had happened that would cause anger to surface!  So with breath and tears I allowed myself ‘alone time’ to dig deeply within the core of my being and to surrender to my all too human nature.  As I moved beneath the surface to look, feel and heal I realized we all have choices.

We make constant choices of the people, places, events and things we allow into our Personal Sacred Circle.  Some of what we allow is simply interference and what I name, “the diversionary tactics” of the Energy of Darkness, pulling our focus away from the blessedness of Life and the Work we are called to do

When we allow ourselves the experience of being fully present, we let the Light in and it shines on those remote corners where we have stuffed our most unacceptable or painful emotions and sufferings. Because we are learning to feel in a new way, to a new degree, we now experience those times and events more intensely. As I recognized and acknowledged my emotional turmoil, I came to an understanding and knowing that as the Light within us grows so does the Dark. We can’t leave it behind, anymore than the snake eating its own tail can flee from its own self.

We will always be challenged to stay in our Heart Space, to follow our own Inner Guidance regardless of what is happening around us. What those dark thoughts bring with them is an opportunity to exercise and develop our Spiritual Will.

I need to remember and allow myself to be what I am, which is a work in process, being shaped and formed by the choices I make. I can choose this, that or the other way.    I can chose to wallow in the emotional storm, or I can chose the momentarily harder, but much more beneficial option of blessing emotions for the lessons they bring and letting them go. I can choose to push and force, or I can simply acknowledge what lives in my Heart, step back and let the energy flow in its own Divine Direction.

And when I let the energy flow, it tells me that each of us is following our own sometimes potholed and bumpy Path, every single one of which leads back to the Center…..back to the Source from which we come…..Love!